Do parents over-share intimate details about their children on Facebook? What are some of the responses to this stated over-sharing and what kind of conversations are going on around it? Friendships can be lost when no one understands how the debate effects them and how it is framed.
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Mon, Oct 29 2012 17:20:30
![STFU, Parents -]()
STFU, Parents -For certain parents, "voting season" lasts year 'round. There's always a reason to hassle friends into voting for your kiddo, and Hallowe...
Blair Koenig is a 30 year old Brooklyn resident who has started a movement. Her blog,STFU Parents, states that it "is a submission-based “public service” blog that mocks parent over share on social networking sites". Blair's has two goals for this blog. First, she is creating a community for non-parents to relate stories about parents over-sharing in posts about their children. Second, she is attempting to educate parents on what over-sharing is and how it can be viewed by their non-parent friends.What Blair does is to organize community-submitted social media data about parents posts. She has broken these submissions down into subjects, and organized them appropriately. Most of these subjects are along the lines of parents injecting harmless little bits of information into everyday posts and sharing daily events about a child's behavior. The more disturbing subject areas Blair has set up revolve around "Bathroom Behavior" and "Gross-out Factor".
![Fright Fest '12 - Placenta Profile]()
Fright Fest '12 - Placenta ProfileSo, at this point we're nearly a week out from Halloween and reaching official "anything goes" territory. With a post like this one that ...
(Do not click on the above link if you have a weak stomach)
While perusing these pages viewers are treated to images of feces covered children and bloody placentas. This kind of sharing can be seen as over the line and disturbing. In some cases this could lead to blocking everything from the poster on Facebook, or to even removing them from a friends list altogether.
While Blair's blog is aimed at a humorous community, some reactions to her blog have been anything but. With Blair's recently announced book release, and her appearance on Ricki Lake, she has had to stop being referred to as "B", and has revealed her true identity. This has helped people learn more about her as a person, but this has also led to personal attacks by angry parents in response to her blog.
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Cynical Mother | blair koenig blogAn open letter to Blair from STFU Parents, Blair, I will respond to your comment since you attacked me for not responding. Then, please m...
The author of this rebuttal to Blair, Deanna King, runs her own blog. In this blog she posts as "Cynicalmother", presenting herself as the average parent. The goal of her blog is to communicate with parents about a broad range of subjects on parenting.
Deanna's rebuttal to Blair goes something like this: Your views are shallow and wrong, and someday when you are all grown up and have kids you will empathize with me. While her rebuttal relies on personal attacks at certain points, with a particular dislike of Blair's "Popeye tattoo" it does have some validity. These posts can be seen as over-sharing by non-parents, but once a person becomes a parent they will understand the posts and how they help parents share the joys of child-rearing.
Dana Macarion offers another type of response to Blair: Facebook is about sharing your life. Dana is a contributor to USA Today's Moms blog. She states that if we are going to single out moms as over-sharing, then what about sports fans, office workers and athletes? Seeing posts about how many laps you did in the pool or how your sports team is doing are not something many people would be interested in hearing about. Most people are not going to be interested about how many conference calls you were involved in today. She gives a well reasoned argument that the "posts you share on Facebook, you're sharing with friends. As friends, shouldn't we be more caring, tolerant and interested in each other's lives...".
A Penn State study from June 2012 has even found that "New mothers who read and write blogs may feel less alone than mothers who do not participate in a blogging community". So blogging can help new parents relieve stress by sharing. This lends its support to Deanna and Dana sharing as a way to build up not just their children, but also their own sense of self-worth and personal satisfaction.
![The Facebook-Free Baby]()
The Facebook-Free BabyThis hasn't been easy. I'm no Luddite. I fit the profile of what Nielsen recently defined as "Generation C," adults between 18 and 34 who...
Yet another viewpoint is Stephen Leckart's. Stephen is a regular contributor to Wired magazine, which specifically deals in technology. He is also a parent, trying to balance the ease of sharing digitally with the privacy he feels children should have. As he points out in his article, "The Facebook-Free Baby", you would never see this much personal information "unless you were invited into my childhood home"(Leckart). What he means is that there would be a very small community that should have access to this information, to both protect privacy and to keep personal meaning attached to it.
Leckart is of the opinion that the issue should be shelved until the child can decide for itself. His stated goal is for his child to "inherit a decision instead of a list of passwords and default settings". He wants his child to grow up and make the decision for himself as far as how he would like approach Facebook and social media, not have a fully developed online profile made for him.
I work in the criminal justice system and have been to some trainings on cyber safety, etc. Most people would be amazed at the amount of information predators can get about their children from posts and pictures. Whatever you choose to do, just be careful.
John, in a response to Leckart's article, takes the possible dangers of over-sharing one step further and points out the dangers of sexual predators using this information to bring harm to the posting family. This is also a valid debate point, because Facebook could provide easy access to schedules and habits of those that they prey upon.
These are the three main responses on how to deal with the threat of over-sharing. Blair calls for moderation by parents of what content they post. Be aware of societal constraints and attempt to be considerate of non-parent friends reactions to your Facebook posts. Deanna and Dana ask viewers to accept this behavior as part of knowing parents. They love their children, and want to share each accomplishment with their circle of friends. Finally Leckart method asks parents to post nothing online until the child can make that decision. Children should not have to worry about their online profiles until they are ready to accept the responsibility themselves. Each of these choices presents different options on how to deal with over-sharing, and how to frame the conversation. This becomes important as a more technological adept generation comes of age and begins having children. Knowing that this kind of over-sharing exists, and how to manage it, can prevent the loss of friendships that will result from this behavior.
