Storified by Betfair Poker · Thu, Nov 29 2012 14:35:05
I return home to find the John Lewis Snowman in my bedroom rummaging through my wife’s glove drawer. “I can explain!” he cries.
Dismayed, I reach for the hairdryer, not sure if turning it on may breach new Government guidelines on proportionate force.
“Don’t melt me!” he bleats. “It’s not what it looks like!” He drops a bag spilling gloves everywhere. “Ok, it’s exactly what it looks like!”
He sighs the doleful sigh of a broken snowman. “I’m sorry mate,” he mutters. “I needed the gloves. Don’t call the fuzz, please?”
Later, over a cup of ice-cold Bovril, the John Lewis Snowman explains he has over 50 wives & girlfriends each of whom expects an Xmas gift.
It’s the age-old story. Snowman lands John Lewis gig, fame goes to Snowman’s head, Snowman accumulates dozens more wives than appropriate.
“My only crime is loving too much!” he moans, frosty tears dripping into his Bovril. “That and of course all the burglary!”
Tough as it is to hear that one of advertising’s most adorable mascots is a serial bigamist, I can’t help but feel for the icy rascal.
I pack him off with all of my wife’s clothes. I’ll explain it to her later, if she ever stops living with that other man and comes home.
